


There is Life

by SilentAvera



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Bambi's Mother fic, But If Bambi Can End Happy Then So Can This, Coping with Grief, Eat Chocolate Cake Or Something You Like After This, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Family Feels, Hope vs. Despair, Hopeful Resolutions, Love, Love From Beyond, Love That Is Forever, M/M, Mental Anguish, Mother's Love, Oh My God This Hurt So Much, Palletshipping, Parent Death, Too many feels, Warm Ending, Why Did I Write This?, dealing with death, traumatic event
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-17 22:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21951040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentAvera/pseuds/SilentAvera
Summary: ARE YOU READY TO CRY? OMG ME TOO~! UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAOOOGH ;;;;O;;;;
Relationships: Ookido Shigeru | Gary Oak/Satoshi | Ash Ketchum
Comments: 12
Kudos: 24





	1. If You Love Them...

**Author's Note:**

> MERRY CRISIS MY PALLETSHIPPING FAM - I BRING YOU ALL TEARS – UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAOOOGH ;;;;;______________;;; – I DON’T KNOW WHAT FORCE GHOST CRAWLED UP MY ASS AND COMPELLED ME TO WRITE THIS BUT HERE WE FUCKING ARE – IT HAS A WARM ENDING THOUGH, I WILL NEVER, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR LEAVE YALL HANGING WITH SOMETHING THIS DEVASTATING ;;;;;;O;;;;;;;; MAYBE WE JUST NEED ONE MORE GOOD CRY FOR 2019, HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

_….Oh no…sweetheart breathe….breathe!_

Gary got back as fast as he could, his com threatening to fall out of his pocket against Arcanine’s frantic bounds – the pokemon skidding to a halt, panting as Gary slid off them and burst through the door of Ash’s home with Umbreon – _“Ash!?”_ the contents of his grocery run spilling out onto the floor –

_“Pika-pi!”_

Pikachu bounded up and led Gary to Ash’s bedroom, he could hear Ash crying, he swung open the door wide, putting a decisive hiccup in Ash’s sobbing – Ash was on his bed, their bed, eyes red and puffy, gripping his blanket, tears, snot, all of it dripping down his face, he couldn’t even speak, he could only gasp a name he was screaming for earlier when he awoke –

Gary all but flung himself over to Ash, wrapping him up tightly in his arms, Ash conceding fully to his grief crying loudly into Gary’s chest, letting everything, _everything_ out.

Pikachu, Umbreon, and Arcanine (who stuffed themselves inside) stood at the doorway, ears droopy, eyes sad. Umbreon nudged Pikachu, as did Arcanine, they were there for Pikachu too.

 _“I’m here, I’m here, I’m here,”_ Gary nuzzled Ash, rubbing circles into his back, Ash gripped him back like a vise, not painfully, but if Ash used anymore force, it could be, _“It’s going to be okay, it’s going to be okay….I promise, I’m here, I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere love, I’m right here….”_

These were the same words Ash gave to Gary when Gramps passed, so, Gary now passes them onto Ash when…

Ash was gripping hard now, but Gary just grit through it, hoping Ash would let go or let up soon…

_My poor son…_

Gary swallowed thickly, the source of this anguish….It’s still too painful to think about. It’s been months, yet, when he does, he winds up no better than the orphan in his arms.

A tear slipped down Gary’s cheek, and another, and another onto Ash’s hair.

… _Sons._

And Gary can’t really pretend that he’s okay too. With her all but taking him in after Gramps passed, it was like…a second chance at having a parent (third really) and then, _this_ happens.

Ash nuzzled further into Gary, Gary nuzzling back, the both of them clinging to each other as if they were the only harbor in a dark and lightless ocean.

The clock on the wall ticked on aimlessly, keeping track of an eternity and moment at the same time, and all that is to come next.

It’s official, there are no more parents left to turn to, this is it, this is the beyond, and behind, what will be so desperately missed.

Gramps got to live a long, and fulfilling life…died in his sleep, but…..

She didn’t deserve this. How it was this way to leave. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right, for someone so good, so kind, so strong….none of it made sense. All that is ahead now, are days without her.

_“I’m here…I’m here….”_

It’s been months, and Ash still wakes up in grief. Wakes up from a nightmare so crushing, he is gasping for breath, only to be crushed yet again upon realizing the dream is true, and he is not okay.

It hurts, it hurts to touch the stove, it hurts to make the bed, it hurts to hear the floor creak in only his notes, it hurts, to be everywhere, when she is now nowhere.

It’s still hard to digest that she is never going to tend to her garden, walk through her front door, or call, ever, again.

He could plead to a legend to bring her back….

He could dive into the Dream World to look for a trace….

_Sweetie I am here…_

Maybe a sane person would walk to her grave and leave flowers, but Ash hasn’t gone to see her yet since she was buried, it’s too much, it’s already too real, it would put him back, it would bring that horrible day back and he won’t be able to catch his breath, think, much less be coherent and a mess that can’t even walk.

Before your parents die, you’re expected to have obtained a kind of maturity to deal with it. You’re expected to be older, you’re expected to take up the mantle of steering the ship in leading your family into its next phase, the next generation.

All Ash felt he has is a raft with no wind, and a torn sail – and he sure as hell knows not everyone is so lucky to be in a place to “deal with it.”

_My poor baby is in so much pain…He’s having so much trouble trying to understand why when there is nothing to be explained, for what, simply is. I was murdered, and a lost, angry young man did it._

Of all the grief Ash has helped people through before, perhaps he never really understood it until now. This was a kind he had never felt before. _Sure_ he _thought_ he felt it before. But no, not this, absolutely not this – how was this _survivable?_ How do you make someone live through this, and expect them to be fine from it? Yet everyone, _everyone_ is going to undertake this pain in one form or another, to pass the awful, awful line of becoming the… _surviving_ members of a _family._

That’s how obituaries read. “Surviving members.” “Survived by…” Makes it seem like Death is counting down the days till they had them too. Can’t live forever.

As for families, legacies, for Ash, it’s just a party of one. There is only one Ketchum now, in the whole wide world.

Just like how there is only one Oak, in the whole wide world.

Sure, they have each other, they are together, very much in love, and very much in agony. It is hard to save the other when you both are drowning.

Tonight, Ash cannot see past his tears. He’s asking so much of Gary, who is in just about as much pain as he is in. All Gary has is a head start on feeling _so alone,_ even when surrounded by those who love you, even when in their embrace, there is an emptiness that pulls you back, pulls you away, and all you feel, is cold.

_….It’ll be morning soon. They should sleep now._

And they did, in a mess of tangled limbs, but at least they could breathe.

Dawn broke softly like starlight through a seed of dew. Quiet. The trees rustled almost mutely, as if nature was trying to give silence, solace, to allow painful thoughts to pool on the tips of petals and leaves for the sun to evaporate them away. It is another day.

Gary awoke to a sweet, and soft smell. His hair and their blankets were all askew. He stretched, a bone crick and creak here and there. He stumbled up to find his boyfriend, he was still wearing his clothes from yesterday.

Ash was in the kitchen cleaning up a pan, he had made some pancakes for them both. Their pokemon were chowing down on their own breakfast. An empty tissue box, and a very full plastic bag hanging off the side of a drawer of used said tissues, did not go unnoticed.

Ash sniffled, he could sense Gary was there in the kitchen doorway, “Hey” he smiled, before looking up at him, his face sporting tear stains fresh and old, their rivers marked with a shine on his cheeks.

Gary gestured, “You” – his voice was squeaky, he cleared his throat, “n-need some help cleaning up?”

Ash shook his head, “(*sniff*) I’m almost done, I thought,” Ash bit his lip under a smile, “I’d make us some breakfast.”

It smells…exactly like how she made them, and they tasted just as delicious.

_Family recipe. I’m glad Ash knows it so well <3_

The sweetness helped the sourness in Gary’s chest, it felt like a congestion he couldn’t clear from his throat.

Ash picked a pancake piece with his fork before speaking, “Gary, I’m sorry I fell apart last night…”

It must have been all over Gary’s face, he almost dropped his fork and scrambled to clear his heart up, _“Ash,_ don’t be, it’s okay _, really,”_ Gary reached over the table to take Ash’s hand, Ash was looking away, “Look at me,” Ash did, “you can’t…” Gary swallowed, careful of what to say, Ash gripped Gary’s hand tighter, an almost pleading look in his eyes, “Ash…you can’t…be expected to shoulder this alone. I’m here, I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Ash began to tear up again. If only some could take their own advice.

_Hm._

Perhaps that might have been too much to promise. If it happened to his mother, it can happen to anyone precious to him, at any time, at any moment – Misty, Brock, Tracey, May, Max, Dawn, Iris, Cilan, Clemont, Bonnie, Serena, practically ALL of Alola – Go – _Galar – why did he have to have so many friends –_ all it would take is another person given up on the world to come to take what they think is free for the taking, and a brave soul to stand in their way, unknowing they would pay the ultimate price, _over a piece of cloth…._

If Ash gave too much thought into it, he would spiral down to the most terrible of places.

_…..(*sigh…*)_

Delia was killed because she tried to stop a man from stealing a purse, a handmade one from a grandmother given to her grandchild – he gave an order to his pokemon, they performed an attack – the pokemon was going to make a distraction – that should have been enough to end the ordeal – make Delia let go, but she didn’t, so the man panicked and…..

She just dropped to the ground. The man fled. The purse was torn, makeup and dolls strewn all about, there was no money, there was nothing a flea-market wouldn’t provide and perhaps better; nothing but items of sentimental value, and Delia was dead for it.

_I remember a pressure in my chest, and that was it. My body hit the floor, but I was still standing. I was watching them, watching, everyone around me have the blood drain from their face as it was draining from my body. I was there, and, then I wasn’t. My mother and father, and, hmp, my husband were suddenly among the crowd, and I was confused, then, I wasn’t._

Everyone stood there in shock as the man got away. His pokemon, a Sneasel, put their clawed hands over their mouth, sunk down to their knees, and couldn’t take their eyes off her, off the red blossoming out from under her – someone finally rushed in to try and stop the bleeding, but she was already gone.

Ash doesn’t remember being told she was dead. He doesn’t remember the knock at the door, the doesn’t remember the officers coming in, he doesn’t remember falling to the floor, he doesn’t remember screaming, he doesn’t remember Gary’s footsteps running to him from the back – grabbing him and hoisting him up, he doesn’t remember Gary begging him to tell him what happened – getting so angry at the officers for what they must have been asking of him – but that wasn’t it – and the multitude of apologies that followed after – Ash finally screamed out at Gary, _“MY MOM IS DEAD” –_ but he doesn’t remember that either.

Ash only remembers silence as the gravity of “your mother has passed away” hollowed out his heart and his mind, and left him in a void where he could not feel a single thing but despair.

_I was there when they came to tell him. I wanted to be him with. I knew nothing would help, but I wanted to be there, I wanted to try and let him know that I was okay. I am with family, and he is not alone, he never will be, but this pain, it echoes into an abyss that reaches so deep, it pulls my baby boy away from all the warmth trying to comfort him. I’m worried._

The young man who murdered Delia was quickly caught with the help of his pokemon that stayed behind.

Ash wasn’t sure how to feel about the Sneasel. They threw themselves at his feet, crying, saying in their speak they were so sorry, they never meant for this to happen, but Ash heard none of it. His focus was the man on the stand.

The trial would last as long as it needed to, and about all of Ash’s friends were there – _so many flew in_ – he was surprised Kukui and Burnet made an appearance, leaving their children in the care of Kiawe’s family. This was no place for children, yet the threshold welcomes all.

Ash couldn’t contain a bitter thought – they shouldn’t have come at all. Leaving your children behind, what if the plane crashes?

_What is the alternative dear? They all die? Do you understand how poisonous these thoughts are when they fill your belly?_

The Kanto Core of Gary, Misty, Brock, and Tracey all stayed as close as possible to Ash, but all Ash felt was cold. There was no denying the toll upon him – if everyone could give the best memories they had of Ash to try and put his heart back together, they’d only come up with a fraction.

When it came time for Ash to read his Victim Impact Statement on behalf of his mother and himself, he would show everyone just how much of him was destroyed by this carless act.

Ash looked at the man, handcuffed, feet in chains, there was not a sound in the courtroom. He stood up, a paper to read the statement in his hands, but he could not see it.

“I have, always tried to match any hatred I have with forgiveness. At the very least understanding. But when I look at you, knowing, (*swallow*) what you did, why you did it…I feel none of that. All I feel to you, all I hold against you…” the paper crumbled in Ash’s hands, “….. _I hate you……I HATE YOU” –_ Gary and Misty (and Pikachu) grabbed Ash before he could move any further – _“YOU TOOK MY MOTHER FROM ME – YOU KILLED HER IN COLD BLOOD – FOR WHAT?!”_

_Oh, my poor sweet baby boy…! For what it is worth, that young man is sorry. I want to forgive him myself, he made a stupid mistake, but when I see my son suffering so much, I cannot bring myself to it. Neither can he apparently. My poor Ash, my poor sweet amazing Ash….In part, I want to blame myself too. I think, ‘why didn’t I let go of the purse?’ Yet I also think, if the roles were reversed, my son could very well be in my place, and I in his, screaming at the person on trial for taking away my only child._

In the end Kukui and Burnet had to help calm Ash down and he was removed from the court room.

_….This can’t be changed. This wasn’t how I wanted my life to end. That young man wanted to steal what he thought was a bag with some money in it, instead he stole my life._

_I’m trying to make my peace with it. I know I must. The only way I can, is that I think to myself that I took the place of my son against this person who very well could have killed him instead. My son will live to fight another day._

Away in room, secluded and private, Ash cried and cried and cried into Gary’s arms, and could not stop. Nothing anyone said reached him.

_Sweetheart, I’m sorry I gave you such a stubborn heart. Thank heaven my son has such wonderful friends. Please keep him safe._

_I’m so worried._

~***~

The first year is always the worst, so it’s been said, but no, it feels like forever is the worst. All the things, she’ll never get to be a part of, and being told she’ll “see them from heaven.”

Yeah okay great. She’s not, **here.** That’s the **point.**

There’s still 6 more months to go till forever without her.

As much as Ash’s grief tried to shut out his friends and the world at large, even Gary at one point, he would catch himself, and, it didn’t hurt to have friends as loving, caring, and, stubborn as he is.

_Thank goodness for that!_

Misty, Brock, and Tracey would try to talk to Ash every day, be it texting, a call, or facetime, and his other friends would all reach out the same. It seemed like it would be a bombardment of communication, but it wasn’t. Sometimes it would just be a message here or there, a call, not a long one, just a “hey man how are you doing? Wanna talk?”, “you know I have this recipe for soup that I think you’d might like,” “I bought a new plant, yes, I will remember to water it” – “oh my god, you have to see this, open up your Placebooks, I just reblogged it” – and with Gary’s constant presence, and reassurance, tiring as it was for him, Ash had made it through the first month, somehow.

The second hurt. Working was hard, and the nights were deep, and there just was not enough hours in the day to sort out the mess tangled up in your heart.

The third the same. Gary hid well the toll it was having on him.

_He shouldn’t have. My son put so much on him…I’m happy they are still together, but my son still has a little growing up to do. I’m just sad it has to be like this._

In the fourth month, Ash thought he’d try to filter out some emotions by watching Bambi.

Yes, that Bambi.

No, it did not help.

Neither did The Land Before Time, Dumbo, Tarzan, Finding Nemo, Brother Bear, THE FOX AND THE HOUND – The Hunchback of Notre DAYUM – FROZZEEEEEEEEEEN – Frozen 2 –

It was then Ash realized cinema (DISNEY) in general had it out for happy mothers, be it their life, or happiness, was just shit upon.

Gary found Ash face down on the living room rug, Pikachu patting his head, the end credits to Guardians of the Galaxy playing.

“Babe, let’s go for a walk.”

They did, and it was nice. They didn’t go far, there was a small trail that led through the town park and a part of the woods, recreation project that Delia headed.

_I don’t think I ever pointed it out to my son that I was behind that project. I told him I was working on some public work funding, and for all the gardening I do, did, at my, house, I’m surprised it never came up. I was always more interested in his day to be honest._

Only when a passing jogger passed the couple and mentioned how lovely the trail was, and that they’re so glad that Delia got the budget for it, was Ash informed of Delia’s work.

Gary looked cautiously to Ash, studying his face, the grip of his hand, the temperature, anything to try and read his emotions…

Ash just smiled at the jogger, and thanked him for complimenting his mother’s work, and they parted ways.

“Ash, you okay?”

He just shook his head. At the end of the trail, they read a plaque, that the trail was dedicated to…a name that Ash had only read once before.

_Oh….right…._

Judging by the crushing grip Ash was giving Gary’s hand, and the name on the plaque, Gary ultimately wished they had just stayed home.

This trail was dedicated to Ash’s father, whom, the year before, Ash had found out was dead. Delia had known –

_I had known for a while. Considering how my life ended up, this is the biggest regret I have. I, did not know how to tell my son about his father. I, dealt with it, on my own….And, when I finally gathered time to tell Ash, I think a part of him had known, what, we had feared, for years, in the back of our minds…_

His grave was on an island where only legends can reach. A summons by a legend, cannot be ignored, and when Moltres appeared before them as suddenly, and with little word on why, what choice did they have? Ash and Gary were taken by the legend over the ocean, and through a terrible storm that made even the fire deity’s wings tremble. When they arrived at the island, they were soaked, but Moltres had the grace to dry them off. The group walked under trees-tops so woven together that the rain and wind barely penetrated through. They reached an opening of a cave. Gary finally recognized the island, a myth spoken of in the Orange Islands that he learned from Tracey.

“This is no myth you see before you,” said the legend, “here we honor those that have given much to the recognition of none. What is done selflessly, is done for the world. This is a place of peace, not sadness. Please enter.”

Gary had never felt such excitement turn to dread so quickly, and Ash felt the same. A place of peace? Honored? Remembered?

This is a graveyard. Why were they taken to a graveyard?

The young men walked down the path, the legend trailing behind with their flames for light. When they reached the end, the moon and sky were framed above by tall mountainous walls, moonlight pouring in over a secret meadow. A single tree was in the center, and there, stood Delia, her back to them both – Ash couldn’t describe the emotion he felt upon seeing her, he just knew he had to be next to her – Gary racing after him.

Moltres stayed behind to give them space.

“Mom!”

She finally turned around to greet him, she was expecting him, and was still so happy to see him there, but her smile was fleeting. Ash hugged her so tightly, and when Delia extended her arm to Gary, he hugged her hard too.

“Mom, what’s going on? Why are we…?”

He saw it, what she was looking at, what she turns her attention to now. At the base of the tree, was a small headstone, with the name Robert Ketchum, and the emblem of Moltres under his name.

Ash tried to find the words but couldn’t, Gary either, Ms. Ketchum cleared her throat, her grip on her son tightening as she felt his legs turn to jelly.

“…..This isn’t how I wanted us to be together again. I’m so sorry sweetheart, but there is little to say on what you see…This man was your father, and he passed away saving that Moltres over there. He left you and me behind to pursue his own passions, and on the way, he wanted to better our world, even if that meant he would never come home.”

She could feel Ash trembling, he was crying silently, she could feel the moisture from his tears on her dress.

“The man I knew was good, aloof, and, carefree. I don’t understand why his desire…led him to leave us, but I just wish…. _I just wish….”_ Delia’s hand went over her mouth as tears started streaming down her own face.

_…..Delia –_

_I’m still mad at you. Stand over there._

_Okay._

_I just wish I was contacted you know._

_….I know. I’m sorry._

Delia took a breath and regained her composure, but before she could speak, Ash beat her to it.

“Mom…you’ve been suffering _alone, all_ this _time?”_ Ash’s hug tightened, “You don’t have to be sad alone, any longer. I’m here.”

She understood, she didn’t need to say anymore. Ash and Gary hugged her so tight, under the moonlight, their little family was thus.

_…He’s a good kid._

_The very best, I must say. Both of them are._

_Delia –_

_Continue to stand over there please._

From beyond, time is different. Delia watches Ash and Gary leave the trail in silence and walk back to the house. Gary tells Ash he going to water the flowers, then he’ll be in. Gary does, but then takes a moment for himself to cry on the stairs, alone.

Ash was laying down on the couch, and fell asleep, leaving Gary to his grief.

_…The trail was meant to be enjoyed, together, with families, even alone, and one day, you will be able to. You did at first, until you knew it was me that brought the trail to fruition. If you let my memories hurt you Ash, they will – and they will hurt others, especially those that care about you most. It’s happening now. I don’t want to hurt you, I’m tired of hurting you. Please, please know this pain will pass. It will. I know it seems impossible, but one day, one day you’re going to be walking this trail with your kids…So, please, when you wake up, smile, and know…there is always tomorrow._

But for the next several months, Ash was trapped in the past, and one he never had. He would dream of a mother who never died, and a father who was never there.

And his boyfriend, who was alive, and was there, felt like he shouldn’t be. He would always lose to ghosts he couldn’t confront, it was up to Ash to put those specters to rest, but he just wouldn’t; they ran rampant.

Ash would look at his com, and think of receiving just one more text, one more call – how he berated himself for erasing some of her voicemails to make room for those that now would never come.

Those that he still had saved, he made sure his box wouldn’t delete them, ever, ever, ever, ever. They took up a good portion of his com’s memory, and when Ash’s friends filled up his inbox, Gary would find his messages getting lost for most.

Gary wasn’t sure how to bring up the topic, he could always text…and he was there for Ash to hear his voice, so he let it go. His chest felt like it was burning coal afterwards, however.

During one particular dark spiral, Ash made a remark Gary couldn’t let go:

“Dying trying to save someone runs in my family, when someone blows my head off, I hope it’s at least done protecting someone I know” –

And that was the straw that broke Gary’s back – he slammed down the plate he was washing, shattering it – it was plate his mother had coveted in a set – Ash very well could have gotten mad at Gary for destroying a memento of his mother’s, but all that was erased and replaced with Gary screaming at him that he couldn’t take much more of this darkness – he couldn’t take much more of being cast aside – he missed her too, he was in pain too, he just wanted Ash to recognize that his pain is not singular, it’s plural – and that suffering is hurting him too!

“…Gary” –

Gary couldn’t hear it, and ran out the house – Ash’s feet froze before the broken plate bits –

_My son, would you rather have that plate, or Gary?_

_Don’t make the mistake I did._

Pikachu bit Ash’s ankle to jumpstart his heart – my god for a moment he forgot he even had pokemon – Ash leapt over the broken glass and chased out after his boyfriend – _“Thanks Pikachu!”_

Gary wasn’t hard to catch, he didn’t get very far before collapsing in grief, and before he could protest and scream at Ash again in hearing his footsteps catch up to him, he had neither the strength nor resolve to upon seeing Ash drop to his knees and wrap him in a hug so deep, Gary almost forgot what air was, and he cried as hard as he could into Ash’s shoulder – “You know I loved her too right? You know I love you SO MUCH!! _All I have left is you_ – _Gramps is dead, your mother is dead_ – _I don’t want to lose you too Ash, but you’re not giving me a chance – !”_

Everything hit Ash all at once, and in all the creases of his clouded memory, was Gary, a figure, about to fall in a waste bin. Ash begged Gary to forgive him – the thought, the fear, the spine-tingling numbness at the sheer possibility of losing Gary too, it was too much, too much – more than anything he could bear – if he’s gone it’s over, truly over – as much as the past was haunting Ash – without Gary, Ash could see no future. That was a place, a pit too deep to ever rise from again.

“I love you, I do, I do, I do, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Gary, please don’t leave me” – Ash peppered Gary’s face with kisses, and they sat there, on the side of a dirt road, in the middle of the night and crisp sharp breeze.

Eventually their pokemon came and got them, and brought them back inside the house. Ash and Gary fell asleep in each other’s arms, and a cuddle pile of love and fluff, and a lesson not soon to be forgotten.

Pikachu and Umbreon took the liberty of scooping up the broken plate, the shards, the broken pieces, were for Ash to decide on what to do next.

_It’s just a plate Ash, and for the record, I have two more just like it. Had. They’re in the top cupboard drawer._

Ash took a breath, took a moment, feeling the shards through the plastic bag, and, threw the broken bits away.

Coming down from his anger, Gary felt awful about breaking it, he knew that every memento of Delia’s was something treasured.

Ash cupped Gary’s face with his hands, “You’re something, someone, I treasure too.” The warmth that blossomed between them, melted Gary into Ash’s embrace, and then a kiss, reaffirming the task Gary had yet to fulfill, and a little black box safely stored away, and waiting for its moment.

At this rate, it would wait as long as it needed to.

And so the couple now finds themselves at 6 months after Delia’s death, together, and they have just finished eating some delicious pancakes.

The sadness, the grief would not magically heal or disappear. This would take time. Lots of time. Not one year, _but years,_ however this was time Ash and Gary planned they would spend together, god willing.

“Hey,” Gary rubbed Ash’s hand with his thumb, sunshine was pouring in through the window, “Want to go for a walk? It’s a beautiful day.”

Ash smiled back, bringing Gary’s hand up to his face to kiss it, “I think that’s a great idea.”

_That’s my boys… <3_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll finish up this weekend ;;;n;;; *hugs all around* I'm just glad I got the first part out - make sure you hug or tell the people you love that you love them ;-;
> 
> This is the first and last time I am writing on this topic, DELIA WILL LIVE IN ALL OTHER STORIES, INCLUDING THE WARMTH OF FROST - I CAN'T BELIEVE I WROTE A BAMBI'S MOTHER FIC - ON CHRISTMAS - THE POWER OF FLUFF COMPELS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *attempts to exorcise whump ambitions*
> 
> I am not a whump author, I am not, I am not, I am nooooooot >3<;;;;;


	2. Let Them Grow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tissues. I went through, a, BOX.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics from "There is Life" from Bambi II incoming

7 months.

Ash and Gary had fallen asleep on the couch together watching a marathon of animated classics.

Disney, they were watching a Disney marathon, because that’s what all mid-twenty to thirty somethings do when their soul is dying from systematic rot.

There were certain movie parts that Ash still closed his eyes at and disengaged, but other than that, he was stable, or thought he would be. It didn’t quite gel yet, but Ash was glad the possibility was beginning to come together.

His head was on Gary’s chest, he could hear his heartbeat, it was what had lulled him to sleep.

Another movie was beginning, just as Ash was starting to stir from a crick in his leg.

_Oh! I know this song!…..Mmmm~ Mmmm~ Mmm~ Mmmmmm~_

His eyes fluttered open to watch a beautiful animated snowscape come to life:

_“Under the snow, beneath the frozen streams, there is li~~fe_

_You have to know, when nature sleeps – she dreams, there is li~~fe”_

Ash woke up further as the colors blossomed on the screen – he knows this film – but it had been so long –

_“And the colder the winter, the warmer the spring_

_The de~eper the sorrow, the more our hearts sing_

_Even when you can’t see it – inside every-thi~~ng, there is, li~~~fe”_

Ash sat up, and let the song into him, watching pokemon emerge from the snow, brimming with life, watching the sunshine warm the trees, the air, the ground, the river – watching baby pokemon with their parents waddle over melting snow, a mighty waterfall released from its frozen hold, he chuckled at a group of Farfetch’d sliding across the ice –

_“For it’s out of the darkness, that we learn to see,_

_And out of the silence, that songs come to be,_

_And all that we dream of, awaits patientl~~~y_

_There is, li~~~fe!_

_There is…._

_There, is…li~~~~~fe~_

_Mmmmmm~ Mmmmmm~”_

The movie continued, but Ash was somewhere else, he was somewhere so peaceful, he almost didn’t recognize it. Here in the dark, on the couch with Gary, sleeping softly, their pokemon curled up on their beds, warm blankets over them all, sturdy walls, and a good roof over them….

Ash laid his head back down to the soothing drums of Gary’s heartbeat.

He finally felt the truth his heart had been aching and aching for….It wasn’t much, but it moved along Ash’s progress none-the-less. Gary’s hand went through Ash’s hair, Ash nuzzled into Gary’s chest – Gary was partially awake now, but was falling back asleep fast once he felt Ash was okay.

And he was, he really truly was.

The pain was still constant, but didn’t sting as much now, it still _hurt,_ but together, they could numb its power some; Ash was happy to be reminded of it, constant reminders is how this bumpy year was trailing. He smiled against Gary’s chest as the movie played for ambiance, he knows how it ends, it ends happily, hopeful…He used to watch this movie…all the time with her.

_And I do mean ‘all the time’. It eventually went by the wayside as he grew older, but I know that smile, and I know he’s remembering it all right now as he dreams. I know he’ll see me, I’ll see him too, in a great big field surrounded by flowers, and we’ll hug, and I’ll sing him this song again, just as I did when he was little, when he was scared and wanted me…I’m right here sweetheart, even when you can’t see me, I’m here, I’m here, and I’ll always be right here._

_…Delia._

_Get back in your time-out corner._

_Okay._

_It’s hard to tell us apart like this –_

_We’re dead, spirits are feelings –_

Delia: _From now on we talk like this_

Robert: _Okay._

.

.

.

Another morning, another pancake breakfast, Gary was brining up a delicious bite to his mouth when Ash spoke out of the blue – “I think…I’m ready to go see her.”

……

Gary froze mid-pancake bite.

Their pokemon all looked up, still as statues.

Ash blinked. Gary blinked.

“I’m ready,” Ash stated again, “Are, you good with coming with me?”

Gary set his fork down, and took Ash’s hand in his own, their fingers intertwining.

“I am.”

……….

There was no way Ash could go alone, no way.

Pallet Town didn’t have a large cemetery. It felt like a long way to travel to, but closer when you actually got there.

Maybe because he was still dreading it.

She was up on a hill, by a tree, a spot some had speculated might become Ash’s when he was old and gray after all of his accomplishments, to overlook the town, like some kind of protector from above. It obviously was to go of someone of great importance.

Ash was glad that everyone agreed that’s where she would go. As if anyone would object.

It was a beautiful day, the plan was to go a little after the sun rose, but by the time they had made it over to her gravesite, it was nearly dusk.

The sky was tinted orange, a breeze from the north moved the trees enough to make their branches sway and creak, puffy clouds rode the jet stream above and gave the sun a portrait that would make any photographer stop in their tracks and bless the moment with a shutter snap.

She would have loved the view.

Delia: _I do._

Gary in fact did take a picture of the sky with his com, their pokemon enjoying the outdoors. They were at the base of the hill, Ash was looking up at the top, the tree she was under almost peering down at him as if to say, “well come on, come on up.”

Ash swallowed, his chest was heavy, his throat was clenched, and his legs just did _not,_ want, to, _move._ (Pikachu pondered if they should bite Ash’s ankle again). Gary was standing before him, ready for Ash to take all the time in the world, because if he was being honest with himself, he’s not sure he’s ready to see her yet either.

Grant it, he wasn’t the one, who had to give the police the positive ID at the morgue. He saw her when she was all…processed? Is that the word?

Inconsolable, that’s the word. He and Brock literally carried Ash home that night.

_:’c_

After that, you’d think this part should be easier. They have already seen her dead, in a coffin, and then in the ground. That should have made it final, and yet, _this, this step,_ to go up that hill and see that this all wasn’t some terrible nightmare, some fluke months in the making, some horrific prank triggered by years of regret of not spending enough time with her – thinking she could walk through the front door at any moment and go surprise! Everything is actually okay!

Now this felt like the goodbye was real. Everything that happened was all real. The seven stages of grief did not go by in order, as if there was any order to having your life turned upside down, forever.

Delia: _It’s okay sweetheart, remember one foot in front of the other, one step now, is a mile later. You’ll keep going, you’ll keep moving. I remember when you took your first steps, after that, there was no stopping you! Come on, take a step Ash, Gary, just one step, and I promise, the others will get easier._

Ash swallowed, clenched his jaw, and held out his hand to Gary. Gary took it, he was trembling. They squeezed each other’s hand, and together, they took that first step, their pokemon right beside them for support.

All the sleepless nights they had before and forcing themselves to get out of bed, their legs never felt heavier than the walk up the hill to her.

Their memories went on a complete rewind, going over a blackout of planning the funeral, which, really wasn’t so much planning as it was going with suggestions from a funeral home because yeah, totally, who wouldn’t be in a right state of mind to bury your only living relative of course you want flowers, the headstone should be pretty why not, how much was that? Does it matter? _I guess grief does have a fucking price you goddamn vultures, just let me bury my mom, GO AWAY –_

Robert: _…I wouldn’t know how that worked._

Delia: _(*SIGH*) At that point I was just wishing they’d haul my corpse into a fire and be done with it. I am…VERY irked that my son(s) had to deal with my final expenses. I didn’t even think about, setting up my final resting place because well…I thought I had more time! Years! Nope! The money I was saving up was going to go towards his wedding. I knew Gary was going to pop the question soon, he talked to me about it! He was going to do it at the crossroads in Pallet, where they both started their journeys, and then, this happens! I am not thrilled, no, I am very disappointed in myself. I was very much looking forward to attending. I will still be there, however, just, aside._

Robert: _I don’t think you’ll be aside Delia. Not at all._

Delia: _Will you come?_

Robert: _In spirit._

Delia -> >:/

Robert: _Considering we’re both dead I’m not sure how else to phrase it._

Delia: _Corner._

Step after step after step, fighting gravity, fighting denial, fighting every thought that told them to turn around and never look back, she’s never coming – so why was this so important?! All you’re doing is hurting yourself with thoughts and memories that pass like acid through your very veins, burning you alive.

And that’s what makes you feel alive isn’t it? How horrible for pain to make it real. This doesn’t save lives, it ends them. It’s cruel.

Robert: _Many things are not fair. It’s hard to imagine what our choices might lead to, from the mundane to the catastrophic. You just don’t know._

They made it to the top. Her headstone was a very ornate design, engraved flowers, one that will never fade. A sign of eternity. Her name clean cut out of marble and metal and just as tidy as her own handwriting would have been.

Mr. Mime has kept her site very tidy.

They both stood right before her, their pokemon had let them go ahead, and have their moment.

She was standing right in front of them (Robert in his corner).

_Oh._

“….Hi mommy.”

Delia: _Hello sweetheart._

Ash felt the swelling of his lungs, this was too much, _too much, too much,_ Ash wanted to drop to the ground cry his guts out – too much was coming back, he was living it all over again, all of it, his childhood, the sirens, her smile, the police, the smell of her cooking, _“We need you to come to the, we need you to confirm, that, it’s her…”_

Gary’s sniffling pulled Ash out of it. Gary was crying, silently, but it was heavy. She was under them, under their feet.

Delia: _My boys…I’m right here._

Delia tried reaching out, touching both of their faces. At that moment Ash closed his eyes, he thought of a song, and felt that peace return again. Gary leaned on him, he couldn’t be the brace this time. Ash stood up taller, putting an arm around Gary, the both of them evening out their weight from the crushing sadness.

Ash spoke, there was much he wanted to say, get off his chest, anything to alleviate the pressure on his heart, “Mom…I hope you’re at peace…..I’m sorry, I haven’t come sooner….I know you’re not, here, it’s just, part of where you are, but, I felt, if I could see…maybe it would let me know, that I don’t need to be afraid of never seeing you again, when I know, you’re always,” Ash touched his chest, _“Here.”_

Gary nuzzled into Ash’s hair, giving a kiss to the top of his head and teardrop.

“I know you always want, _ed,_ me to visit, and I’m not (*sniff*) about to let you down now….I’m sorry, _I’m so sorry….I wasn’t there…”_

Delia: _Ash, you can’t blame yourself – !_

 _“Ash,”_ Gary choked, _“You, can’t”_ –

 _“I feel so empty, so alone,_ but,” Ash swallowed, giving himself time to recoup, he looked up to Gary, the both of them just a mess, “I know I’m not,” Pikachu jumped up on Ash’s shoulder, “How can I be?”

“Pika-pika X3”

“When, when I think, how alone you must have been, I am reminded that you aren’t. Mr. Mime has been helping us upkeep the restaurant, they practically live there now….It’s hard for them to come home, they don’t come home, but don’t worry, everyone checks up on them, not just Gary and me. You were friends with the whole town and _everyone misses you so much….”_ Ash almost lost it again, but he swallowed, letting some tears fall off, and continued, “But it’s okay to miss you, it’s okay, this hurt, it’s okay, more than anything I just want to know you’re okay…”

Delia: _I am sweetie, I am._

“I bet heaven is nice. I hope it has, all the yarn you could possibly want, and all the bonbons you could possibly eat.”

Delia: _It is a perk <3_

“I’m so glad you were my mom, you were the best mom, _anyone could ever have,_ I’m so lucky I was born to you. You gave me, nothing but love, and in turn, I was able to give other people love. Like, I’m pretty sure love has been around a while, but you perfected it. It’s amazing what you did, it’s amazing what moms can do…You know what? Misty and Tracey are expecting their first baby, and, _and” –_

And that was it, the thought of her never getting to be a part of the next generation – their wedding, their own kids – sent the words in Ash’s throat to choke him and sent him dropping to his knees, crumbling his pillar, clutching himself, as his sobs stole each breath – Pikachu immediately hugged his head –

Gary sank down next to him, holding him, and in tears all the same – Ash turned into him and hugged him so hard, their bodies creaked, Umbreon came to nuzzle them from behind.

Delia was over them both, she knelt down, and hugged them all from beyond,

Delia: _Shh, shh, shh, it’s okay…it’s okay my babies, it’s okay, let it out, let it all out._

She was joined by Robert.

Robert: _This, seems like a two-hug type of deal._

Delia: _It is, thank-you._

Eventually Ash recovered enough to speak, a crying mess still, but a coherent one –

 _“I’ll keep you close mom._ I’ll _always,_ keep you close. You’re not here, you’re not, stuck _here,_ (*sniff), you’re everywhere I go, everywhere I go, so will you. All we put in the ground was what nature takes back, you’re forever mom. You’re _forever_ here with us…with me….. _I love you so much.”_

Delia: _I love you too sweetheart._

“And, hm, if, you see dad, tell him I said hi.”

Robert: _Hey kiddo –_

“I hope your souls are resting well.”

Delia: _…Give it time, but for now sweetie, you two should get some good rest._

Robert: _Yes, listen to your mother._

Ash, Gary and their pokemon stayed there past dusk, sitting, resting against the tree. Eventually Gary noticed that Ash had fallen asleep against him, so Gary made himself comfortable, and dozed off against Ash too, their pokemon keeping watch.

When Ash and Gary awoke, it was the next day, bright and early in the morning. They had a little panic that they had slept for so long, but their pokemon reassured them everything was okay, after all, they weren’t alone…They awoke to a Pidgeot and her baby Pidgeys nestled all around them. Ash and Gary blinked, looked up, momma Pidgeot looked down, and playfully nibbled against their hair, as if urging them to go back to sleep.

Delia: _I asked her to help watch over you all, she happily agreed._

Robert: _Even with her own little ones to look after_

Delia: _That’s a mother for you_

Robert: _That’s what a parent should always be…what I never was._

Delia: _I’m guessing that’s why you have remained behind. Guilt?_

Robert: _What you’re feeling and more. What I didn’t do in life, I am forbidden to do in death. He doesn’t know me. I’m not even a memory, I’m a shadow of a ghost. My presence just brings him confusion, your presence brings him comfort._

Delia:… _Perhaps he can feel you, through me._

Robert: _How?_

Delia: _I have an idea, but for now, they need to rest._

Before they left, they thanked Ms. Pidgeot and her babies, waved them goodbye, and they both touched her headstone. It was now covered in petals, gifts from the tree, from nature and two sons so thankful to have had her in their lives.

The trip back home wasn’t as hard, the emptiness they felt was filled by the clasp of their hands.

~***~

The next morning Ash thought it was time to do some much-needed work around the house. He didn’t let the house and garden get in total disarray, there was upkeep (Gary and their pokemon made sure of that), but this was more, to make the house a home again. Up until now, it had been a memorial.

This was the only home Ash had known, and it was always her’s; now it’s his.

How to do house, how to do house when you’ve spent so much time on the road and you could fit all your necessities in a bag. Ash wasn’t even sure where to start.

Her clothes were still in the closet, there were still bottles of shampoo that she used in the bath, drawers of her trinkets – Gary wasn’t about to suggest _when_ these items should be, placed, elsewhere, but he could suggest “where” when it was time. Now it’s time.

Delia: _Oh goodness, Gary be gentle. I know most of this is just stuff, please feel free to trash the lot of it and keep whatever you want to keep. I didn’t think I was quite the clutter-kidder_

Robert: _You weren’t, besides, I think he’ll find everything he wants to keep in the books you made._

Gary was sweeping up the hallway, thinking on how to suggest to Ash where Delia’s trinkets should go, it’s….perhaps other hands could use them…?

Umbreon trotted up to Gary and motioned with their paws that Gary was needed where Ash was. Gary walked over, quickly, on light steps, “Ash?” and found him sitting on a chair with a great big album in hand, with many more on the table next to him.

Sure enough, there were tell-tale tear-streaks down Ash’s cheeks. Gary took a seat down beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, “Whatcha looking at love?”

“Album, (*sniff*) you’d think, _I mean_ …Why did she take so many picture of me…? There’s not too many of her in here…She’s hardly in here, it’s all me” – album after album after album…

Delia: _You’re my son, of course I’m going to take pictures of you!_

Ash wiped his face. It was agonizing, border-lining maddening to think Delia was just behind the camera, just out of sight, just out of reach….A shadow here, hair tussle, a finger there, her presence beyond a plane parallel and not.

Gary looked through the pictures with Ash, “I can see why she took so many of you, you’re adorable.”

“Hm.”

Gary kissed Ash on the side of his head, prompting Ash to turn fully and kiss Gary on the mouth. “And you’re cute.”

“Just cute?”

“Cuter.”

“Hm~ That’s debatable. This pic of you in a wooloo outfit is pretty darn cute.”

Ash and Gary looked through the albums together. Yes, most of the pictures there were of Ash, but there were some, _some,_ not a lot, of Delia and Ash together.

They watched Ash and Delia get older, but their smiles never dimed.

Finally Ash opened an album that was barely used, it had pictures of them together, from just this year.

Ash looked at how many empty pages there was yet to fill…That she was planning to fill.

He could let the grief take him. He could let the grief push him down. He could feel Gary starting to shake again besides him.

Ash took a breath, and leaned in on him.

“Looks like there’s still more to fill in here,” he said, he turned to Gary, “What do you think?”

Gary swallowed to catch his voice, but in the end, he could only nod.

Ash took out his com, and pointed the camera end to Gary, “Smile!”

“Pfft.”

“There, pic number one.”

“Hm~”

They shared a kiss.

*PLOP* - another album fell off the shelf – making them both almost jump out of their chairs.

Delia: _I did NOT mean for it to sound so loud, sorry my boys!_

Gary went over and retrieved it. They opened it up together and their breath just gushed forth from them.

It was Delia, in her youth, with Professor Oak and her lab mates – this was when she was a student! Ash and Gary were almost frozen against each other.

Delia –> _< 3!!!!_

They turned page after page with the utmost care, the age in the plastic, in the photos, was evident, but the colors, the colors were so vibrant it was almost as if they could plant themselves there in the moment with her, with their grandfather, in the lab, in the barn, at the computer, on the roof, out in the fields –

They were a wreck again, Pikachu and Umbreon quickly bringing them tissues so they wouldn’t cry over the whole album, good thing for plastic slips!

Delia: _There <3_

Robert: _At least you have pic –_

Ash and Gary both paused when they came across this one picture, and Robert, paused too.

A man had his arm around Delia, she was leaning in on him, they both had sparkles in their eyes; he was, if not, almost the spitting image of….

Ash and Gary looked at the caption of the picture, in their mother’s handwriting, _Delia + Robert <3_

Robert _:…..That’s me._

Delia: _See? Now he can feel you, though me, tell him hello_

Robert: _H-Hello, Ash_

Ash kept looking at the picture, Robert put his hand on Ash’s shoulder.

Delia: _Tell him who you are_

Robert: _I’m…I’m….(*sniff*) I’m your daddy….I’m sorry –_

Delia: _It’s okay, he’s just happy to finally feel you…..This album is actually new. I went through all of Professor Oak’s old files and I hand picked these pictures one by one. I was going to give this book to Ash as a wedding gift, and well, so many of my plans went up in smoke! But I’m happy he has it now. It’s hard to reach out when the cold is so deep. Your presence, will no longer confuse him._

Robert: _Thank-you so much…I don’t know what to say…._

Delia: _Say you’ll be there for him, with me._

Robert: _Until the heavens fall._

Delia reached out her hand, and took Robert’s.

Ash and Gary, and their pokemon cuddled in the warmth of memories of the albums surrounding them all night long.

.

.

.

1 year, and 6 months, later.

Mr. Mime was outside in the front of the house, helping Ash nail a table together. It was one of Delia’s, they had moved some of her furniture over to the restaurant where Mr. Mime was living, this table broke, and it was an excuse for Mr. Mime to pull themselves up, and come home to have it fixed. Most of her things were moved over there, Mr. Mime welcomed it. They knew they were welcome anytime to live in the home, but they declined.

The boys got the home, Mr. Mime got the restaurant, it all worked out. And it wasn’t like Mr. Mime wasn’t alone, they had some new hired help, one anxious Sneasel that was going to do everything in their power to have Delia’s legacy live on and flourish.

What Ash or Mr. Mime didn’t keep, had been donated to families in need, Gary was happy the suggestion went over well, he thought Delia would approve of it, there was no way they could trash her things, there was too much good in them, to not pass that energy along to someone who may really need it.

Delia: _I very much approve._

They also had found clothes Delia had made for Ash when he was a baby – they kept those; they kept every single article.

Ash thought, their future kids should have something of their grandmother with them, he asked Brock if there was anything he could do to repair them a bit, going so far as to take a small trip to Pewter City, but there wasn’t much.

“She made these to last Ash, they’re good, good, well-made, she knew what she was doing, hm, especially in what a riot you were.”

“Pbbbth.”

“You two are coming over for Giving’s Eve right?”

“Of course! I am bringing a pie!”

“Oh just one?”

“Gary cooks so good, help, what am I gonna dooooooo” –

“(*Ahem~*) Burn it off” –

“Oh hush! But, no, you’re right. Hehehehehe~ Alrighty, I gotta get going, my train leaves soon.”

“Alrighty, I’ll catch you later man.”

“You too!” <3!!!!

It was snowing, everything was covered in a soft blanket of white. Ash caught the bullet train back to Pallet Town, watching the scenery go by with Pikachu. His com rang, it was Misty,

“Hey champ”-

“Hey Misty~” <3!!!!

“Okay so, diaper adventure number 43, my son’s aim is deadly” –

Tracey could be heard groaning in the distance –

“Oh no!” Ash chuckled, Misty giggled too,

“So yeaaaah, mommy tip for today is carefully watch the liquid intake of your kid, that will help you judge stream range.”

“Oh boy.”

“Indeed~”

The light overhead with the train car made Ash’s wedding band glisten like starlight as he gestured about while talking to Misty. Gary had proposed to Ash in Delia’s restaurant as opposed to the crossroads, he wanted to weave her within their engagement and wedding in the softest way.

The bracelet around Ash’s wrist, included a nod to his father. An emblem of fire, to never let the warmth leave you. Moltres was kind enough to use their own fire to mold the metal that wove it.

Robert: _I did not think I still had the ability to cry as hard as I did when I saw my son get married._

Delia: _Ah-ha, ha-ha, I had you beat by at least 3 gallons._

It was a beautiful ceremony, nothing large, just close friends, to witness the birth of a new family. It was held outside, so everyone was glad it did not rain.

Delia: _As if! Robert and I huffed and puffed all those clouds away!_

Robert: _We could have just asked like, Lugia to make sure it didn’t storm_

Delia: _No I wanted to do this for our son_

Robert: _Hm~ It did feel wonderful seeing his face light up as the clouds were parting._

Delia: _Just think when their babies arrive, oh! I can’t wait! You know they can see us when they’re that young!_

Robert: _If nothing else, we can help the boys rest, they’re going to have their hands full_

Delia: _It’s wonderful, it’s the best kind of tired you ever feel_

Robert: _Hm…_.

Delia: _It’s okay Robert, we’re okay, we’re here, and we have, all of eternity to just love <3_

Robert -> <3

Ash exited the train, waving off passengers that recognized him and wished their love for him.

Walking back home, he couldn’t wait to see his husband again, turns out Gary surprised him by meeting him half way from their text exchange; Ash helping him with some of the groceries Gary had gone out to get. Despite arms loaded with goods, clothes, they hugged, kissed, and did nearly all in-between before a whistling passerby reminded them, hey, they _were_ in public; they could not get home fast enough.

Once home, they shed their layers and let the warmth drain into their bones. They put food away, trinkets up, baby clothes in the drawer of their new nursery, Ash going through the drawers one by one to take stock of what they had, and what else they might need.

Outside, the wind softly blew, the branches moved, and swayed, their rustling loud. The sound momentarily took Ash somewhere far away, but it was someplace good. Ash was a toddler again, being led by his mother into the deep of the woods. He was so small, but his strong little legs kept up, he looked up to see just a blanket of leaves trembling in the wind and light glistening through.

Soon he would have these walks with Gary, and their own children. Other walks would be down a trail his mother had commissioned in memory of his father. He couldn’t wait to show his kids the good of this world, there was so much of it. So much, so much.

It’s easy to forget that, but all Ash had to do, was remind himself that….

_“Under the snow, beneath the frozen streams, there is li~~fe_

_You have to know, when nature sleeps – she dreams, there is li~~fe”_

Ash giggled to himself, he didn’t have the best singing voice, but he didn’t care~

_“And the colder the winter, the warmer the spring_

_The de~eper the sorrow, the more our hearts sing_

_Even when you can’t see it – inside every-thi~~ng, there is, li~~~fe”_

In the twinkle of the snow in the wind, Ash felt them.

“…Hey mom…dad.”

Delia: _Hello sweetheart~_

Robert: _Hey kiddo~_

In the kitchen where Gary was putting up some cans, he had to laugh to himself in thinking of a memory from his childhood, when Gramps had mistaken a can of prunes for a can of raisins and thought he had made some kind of botany discovery! Only then to find that dried fruit lies to you in all kinds of ways.

“Ah well, we learn from the disappointment! Take heed Gary, that is the heart of being a scientist! Person! You take the lows with the highs, and you keep moving forward, there are new discoveries to be made every day! The best ones, are the ones that teach you more about yourself.”

Gary was glad his best discovery was that family, only grows.

_For it’s out of the darkness, that we learn to see,_

_And out of the silence, that songs come to be,_

_And all that we dream of, awaits patientl~~~y_

_There is, li~~~fe!_

_There is…._

_There, is…li~~~~~fe~_

_Mmmmmm~ Mmmmmm~_

Delia: _Our sons are going to be okay, and you know what? You be will too._

_*Hug.*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *HUG*
> 
> That’s right, this whole fic was a plot to get you all involved with Bambi II, the only good Disney sequel aside from The Lion King 2. Fight me.
> 
> But in all seriousness, if you're in pain this holiday season, I hope I can offer you solace in that you're stronger than you think, and the pain will numb and heal in time, you have time, don't let others and yourself lie to you that you don't.
> 
> Love to you all fam =w=b


End file.
